(pretend) things happen
It started out as a beautiful Friday afternoon, like they usually do, and Area Man showed up to work smiling that beautiful smile of his, positively radiant, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was vicariously pregnant, because, well, him being pregnant would have changed the title of this post.
“Considering where I was and what I was doing— What, five hours earlier? Yeah, I felt pretty damn good. Even riding the elevator wasn’t a problem. It was like I was training myself to survive that for the past few weeks, and when this test came, it wasn’t an issue at all. I felt invincible. It even made multiple stops, I was almost considering taking it up and down just to show it who’s boss,” he said, swooning with self satisfaction, “I fucking am.”
Area Man went on to recall the events of the previous night in vivid detail, and actually wouldn’t stop doing it until he said, “now wasn’t that the vividest detailing of a night out you’d ever heard?”
“I also took some pictures. Here, let me show you,” he said to his coworker, still grinning. When he took out his phone he saw that blinking red light which implied that he had messages. But the screen didn’t work.
“God damn it, my cell phone doesn’t fucking work.
“It’s like God punching you in the face.
“It’s like God showing Moses the Ten Commandments in sign language and Moses being blind.
“It’s like God raining on your parade,” he continued, “especially the Gay Pride Parade, with men. It’s not so good when you literally get what you ask for.
“God damn it.”
