(pretend) things happen
Last Tuesday, two days before what he said was his dissertation, Area Man discovered what he would later call, “a miracle,” deep in the “caverns of his bookcase.” Area Man maintained that there were so many that, “of course I didn’t know I had one of those, I couldn’t have possibly read through all of these books. Many of them were given to me by friends and family as cop-out gifts for my birthdays while I was in college.”
A photo of his room showed at most thirty books, and a few National Geographic Magazines on his with a bong as a book-end on one side, and two cartons of cigarettes on the other.
“It was when I was writing this, um… abstract, that I realized I had been using the same words over and over again, redundantly,” he said, grinning, “as they say,” while not understanding that he was using the word incorrectly.
Neighbors reported that he was, “abusing that word like a sexual deviant does a cucumber,” and one in particular said, “if I hear that word come out of his mouth one more time, I’m going to redundantly rip his tongue from his mouth.”
Facebook friends quoted his most recent status as being, “Area Man redundantly addicted to facebook,” in which, ironically, the word at least made some kind of sense.
Later when he was questioned about the abstract he was writing, Area Man excused himself. Apparently, to “like” his own status update from the bathroom.
