(pretend) things happen
An experience that has been shared by all of us at some point, Area Man finally decided to share how he was embarrassed the other day.
“Look,” he said, “I was just standing around, minding my own damned business, when this guy came up to me, and just fucking— he pulled my pants down! You know, it would’ve been ok normally, but it was laundry day…” and what he was wearing, it was for no one’s eyes, least of all the children at the adjacent playground.
“Look. This generally doesn’t happen to me. My—” He frowned and looked around shamefully as he said this. “Can you pixelate my quotes, too? Or just, you know, don’t use a photo and don’t use my name.”
He was at this point even more reluctant to divulge the details of this day, but a view of a photo on a bystander’s cellphone showed it all: his pants around his ankles; his genitals wrapped in a tie-dye elephant thong; his pubic hair crawling out in a moist spiral which seems to generate both from his balls and his bellybutton.
The assailant, puking. On his shoes.
