July 2010
2 posts
4 tags
“Something to think about later.”
– Area Man, pulling a newspaper out of his mouth.
4 tags
Area Man Finds Dictionary Useful
Last Tuesday, two days before what he said was his dissertation, Area Man discovered what he would later call, “a miracle,” deep in the “caverns of his bookcase.” Area Man maintained that there were so many that, “of course I didn’t know I had one of those, I couldn’t have possibly read through all of these books. Many of them were given to me by friends...
June 2010
3 posts
“Now they know. I’m dangerous.”
– Area Man, hiding behind caution tape.
“Rock On Polygon!”
– Area Man, while describing the infinite sides of a circle.
3 tags
Area Man's Cell Phone Doesn't Fucking Work
It started out as a beautiful Friday afternoon, like they usually do, and Area Man showed up to work smiling that beautiful smile of his, positively radiant, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was vicariously pregnant, because, well, him being pregnant would have changed the title of this post.
“Considering where I was and what I was doing— What, five hours earlier? Yeah, I felt...
May 2010
3 posts
2 tags
Area Man Measures Own Penis Using TI-83 Plus...
It could have been called a momentous day, it could also have been called a day during which math nerds hung their heads and repeated the mantra, “you’re doing it wrong,” but this past Sunday afternoon, Area Man and his girlfriend, Area Man’s Girlfriend, took it upon themselves to lay mere mortal cocks to shame by triumphantly placing the TI-83 Plus Graphing Calculator upon...
“I’m going to go feed myself.”
– Area Man, as he was walking to the bathroom.
1 tag
Area Man Shamed
An experience that has been shared by all of us at some point, Area Man finally decided to share how he was embarrassed the other day.
“Look,” he said, “I was just standing around, minding my own damned business, when this guy came up to me, and just fucking— he pulled my pants down! You know, it would’ve been ok normally, but it was laundry day…” and...
April 2010
1 post
